Hookup Horror Stories 1

CW: Threats of self-harm.

So, Sin told me today about a bad hookup in the past. It was pretty bad. But then he told me he bet I had more or worse hookup horror stories. It got me thinking about my worst sex experiences. I thought it would make a good post series! I don't have that many, so I'll just tell one per post.

This first one I'll call Jake. I have no recollection of what his actual name or username was.

This was after my first boyfriend ever, Milkshake. I started getting into online hookup culture, and that naturally meant Grindr. I had been looking for a boyfriend and was trying out all my options. I was still finding myself as a gay person, and I wasn't really sure what I wanted, so my filters weren't as great as they are now. (I'm a picky mother-fucker now.)

But I found this guy named Jake. I remember he was white, maybe five years older than me, and had long brown hair, like past his shoulders long. I remember he had a few piercings, wore mostly black clothes. That kind of character.

And online at least, we hit it off within a few weeks. We talked most days, seemed to have similar interests, and was okay with the fact that I was still sexually inexperienced.

But as time went on, he became more desperate for a meeting. Now, of course, this makes sense. Assumedly, you're not just talking to someone online for online discussion but for an actual in-person meetup, at least with these apps. That's the point. But my schedule was erratic. I was still an undergraduate and didn't have my own transportation, plus I didn't yet feel comfortable having strangers come into my apartment, which was shared with two other people who could easily judge me for it.

I blew him off.

Apparently one too many times.

I was actually hanging out with a friend out of town, a rabbit friend named Marsh. And while we were out, Jake kept messaging me.

But the messages got dark.

He sent me a photo...with him holding a large meat knife. I responded back with, "What the hell?"

He said that if I didn't meet with him now, he would cut himself.

The next picture he sent was of him holding the cleaver to his throat.

I was horrified. I was still new to gay culture, to hookup culture, had never experienced this kind of crazy before. I showed Marsh, and he blew it off with that being what you can expect on apps like that. (I will say now, years later, something like this has never happened to me since, so I would not call it the norm whatsoever, but it does trigger my horror-writing brain: what if I had said yes and got a taxi to his location right then? What could have happened?)

I did what Marsh recommended. I blocked Jake.

But it still haunted me. I have no idea if Jake actually went through with anything. I've never gone through the thought process of whether I would blame myself if that actually happened or not. But I still think about it. If I hadn't had Marsh there being a voice of reason, what would I have done? What would I have said? It was the first time I had ever blocked someone on an app. I'm not convinced I would have done that without Marsh recommending it.

Comment challenge? What would you have done in this scenario?